Alright, I've made a discovery about myself. It wasn't an "aha" moment if you will, just an "hhhhm" moment. The social security gridlock is one of my main stressors right now. No assistance, used up while waiting, no child support, useless mating. So let's face it, life can be a real downer! Especially if you look at it from the ass end of a horse in a parade . Lol, you just got the visual, it's crap right? The day begins in a hurry, we rush around in a hurry, rarely taking time to stroll. Americans are so impatient and we wish days away like there are a million more lined up.
I was having one of those, "I don't wanna get out of bed-be an adult-this is too hard days." It started pouring down raining with a sudden, thunderous clap and lightning. The car wouldn't shift into gear because some idiot hit me 2 years ago...(go back to the beginning of this story if you're wondering why it's still not repaired). My physical therapist Axel decided to push me too hard, I got into my car and cried afterwards. I never let him see me. Get home and walk into a remake of Tornado. My pit-boxer Fanci thinks EVERYTHING is better shredded! Is that my favorite notepad? You know the one sick people prepare for their family in case of emergency? Yep. Flee toward the stairs with frustrated, pain motivated, irritation generated, tears streaming. Make it to my bedroom and the bed is a mess because a certain Fanci and Genji weren't being supervised. That's it! Screaming, yelling, fussing at the world because I can't take another day like this.
Stop. Breathe. Pray. Refocus. Pick up the bedding, clean up the shredding, if I don't they'll keep forgetting. Go and wash your face it's almost time to pick up SwerveKidd from the taco place. Anxiety creeps in and I head back towards my room. My pillows have been fluffed, favorite soothing candle is ablaze. A handful of mini candy bars from Lady lying on the nightstand. A1 appears and pokes his head in, says he'll make the drive. Thankful beyond measure I quietly close my eyes. A4 appears out of nowhere with the final of this epic save. Hands me my favorite pink and gray pajamas; not another place to go today.
I am in my favorite pajamas, there is nothing more that I enjoy. Pole said I have an addiction, one I can't feed anymore. Matching pajamas and fluffy socks are an easy way into my heart. They're like hugs from your lover, kisses from your kids, reminders to slow it down, and regain some control. If you want to create a calmer world? Pajamas are king..well, at least they are fit for this queen.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Cold Hands Warm Heart??
Let me begin by saying that my diseases suck. Ok, now on to much more interesting things. I remember playing in the snow growing up and although I loved it during; couldn't bear the after. You know peeling out of the soaking wet, freezing cold, clothes. I would itch for hours...that was normal right??
Fast forward to winter of 2010 and I got on the wrong bus, it wasn't going all of the way to my stop. I had just finished a final in Psych and I wasn't in the mood nor had I anymore bus fare. I decided to walk home. The weather decided to dump a storm. Clearly we were NOT on the same page! The walk is easily done without being clumsy, off balance, and freezing; all of the traits I possessed. So what do you do, phone a friend! "Hey T, guess what I'm doing?"
The walk was hurried because I was rushing home to meet my boo thang, lol. He was an otr driver and 6 weeks is actually a long time, hmm go figure. I had been complaining to my neighbor and sister Pole that my hands were always black, like frostbite had set in. She actually got to see them and said, in classic Pole form, "eww they look dead." Lol, it's how we communicate; dwelling in the obvious, obsequious, or avoidance. We're a work in progress.
Best Buy Guy met me at home and helped me peel out of the jeans, minds out the gutter, although he is quite handsome. I promptly began scratching like a mad woman. It was the worst itch, ever! Picture poison ivy...frozen, on your thighs. He rubbed lotion on my legs to see if it would help. Nope, still itching. At this point, I'm actually crying so he helped me into fleece pj pants and under my 3 comforters.
Hmm maybe that should have been my clue, lol. I slept like an Eskimo dresses to go hunting!
This prompted my visit to Dr. Pcp, whom I have grown to love for his honesty. He diagnosed me with Reynauds, unsure of whether it was the phenomenon or syndrome at that time. I of course researched it and requested a test for Lupus, it came back with a positive Antinuclear Antibodies Test. Ruh roh shaggy! www.mayoclinic.com/health/raynauds-disease/DS00433/DSECTION=tests-and-diagnosis
If you're wondering if Best Buy Guy and I are still together? Nope, but he is one of my closest friends. I found his new house for him because I'm awwwweeeesssoooommee! So are you! See you soon
~Nelle
Fast forward to winter of 2010 and I got on the wrong bus, it wasn't going all of the way to my stop. I had just finished a final in Psych and I wasn't in the mood nor had I anymore bus fare. I decided to walk home. The weather decided to dump a storm. Clearly we were NOT on the same page! The walk is easily done without being clumsy, off balance, and freezing; all of the traits I possessed. So what do you do, phone a friend! "Hey T, guess what I'm doing?"
The walk was hurried because I was rushing home to meet my boo thang, lol. He was an otr driver and 6 weeks is actually a long time, hmm go figure. I had been complaining to my neighbor and sister Pole that my hands were always black, like frostbite had set in. She actually got to see them and said, in classic Pole form, "eww they look dead." Lol, it's how we communicate; dwelling in the obvious, obsequious, or avoidance. We're a work in progress.
Best Buy Guy met me at home and helped me peel out of the jeans, minds out the gutter, although he is quite handsome. I promptly began scratching like a mad woman. It was the worst itch, ever! Picture poison ivy...frozen, on your thighs. He rubbed lotion on my legs to see if it would help. Nope, still itching. At this point, I'm actually crying so he helped me into fleece pj pants and under my 3 comforters.
Hmm maybe that should have been my clue, lol. I slept like an Eskimo dresses to go hunting!
This prompted my visit to Dr. Pcp, whom I have grown to love for his honesty. He diagnosed me with Reynauds, unsure of whether it was the phenomenon or syndrome at that time. I of course researched it and requested a test for Lupus, it came back with a positive Antinuclear Antibodies Test. Ruh roh shaggy! www.mayoclinic.com/health/raynauds-disease/DS00433/DSECTION=tests-and-diagnosis
If you're wondering if Best Buy Guy and I are still together? Nope, but he is one of my closest friends. I found his new house for him because I'm awwwweeeesssoooommee! So are you! See you soon
~Nelle
Friday, August 9, 2013
The Breakdown
Ok, now that you've decided to follow me, let me give you a breakdown of my life. All names will be changed to protect their crazy identities. Honesty is best served under a cloak and whispered in the dark for some folks. I WILL be taking creative liberties where I deem necessary. Guess who's cool with that? Yup, my mom.
In this ring we have the family. A1, A2, A3, A4. My handsome, brilliant (at times), sons. My beautifuls Lola, a nickname given by the boys to my adopted daughter. Lady who with A1 has created life, due to arrive January 24th. My furry friends, Genji a precocious or obnoxious silky terrier. Graham a rambunctious or simple minded American pit, and Fanci our doe eyed, stubborn butt, boxer, pit mix.
In this ring we have my diseases, I'm putting these jesters on front street! In alphabetical order with about the same amount of disdain, fibromyalgia, Reynauds, and scleroderma. They keep the circus popping or shut it down. Sometimes for weeks. (You will be notified of any closings or delays, lol). Doctors, lawyers, disability. Yep all in this ring.
In this ring we have my mommies, 1 and 2...sisters pole, ball, and hula, sistas cuckoo, nutty, and crazy. The husband that won't ex...(I believe with awareness there's a cure, lol). A plethora of other loved ones orrr tolerated folks, I think I'll just use the real names!
Now that you know who everyone is, I can begin relating the stories that NOBODY will believe I love through, yes I meant love.
Today I think I want you to remember: that no matter what life hands you, whether good or bad, you ultimately have the choice of who you allow to be your supporting cast. If you have too many spotlight hogs, divas, or negative Neds; it's time for a change of scenery and a casting call. It's true the show must go on but you're the star in your story, don't let your supporting cast ruin the show!!
Gentle hugs and warm wishes,
Nelle
In this ring we have the family. A1, A2, A3, A4. My handsome, brilliant (at times), sons. My beautifuls Lola, a nickname given by the boys to my adopted daughter. Lady who with A1 has created life, due to arrive January 24th. My furry friends, Genji a precocious or obnoxious silky terrier. Graham a rambunctious or simple minded American pit, and Fanci our doe eyed, stubborn butt, boxer, pit mix.
In this ring we have my diseases, I'm putting these jesters on front street! In alphabetical order with about the same amount of disdain, fibromyalgia, Reynauds, and scleroderma. They keep the circus popping or shut it down. Sometimes for weeks. (You will be notified of any closings or delays, lol). Doctors, lawyers, disability. Yep all in this ring.
In this ring we have my mommies, 1 and 2...sisters pole, ball, and hula, sistas cuckoo, nutty, and crazy. The husband that won't ex...(I believe with awareness there's a cure, lol). A plethora of other loved ones orrr tolerated folks, I think I'll just use the real names!
Now that you know who everyone is, I can begin relating the stories that NOBODY will believe I love through, yes I meant love.
Today I think I want you to remember: that no matter what life hands you, whether good or bad, you ultimately have the choice of who you allow to be your supporting cast. If you have too many spotlight hogs, divas, or negative Neds; it's time for a change of scenery and a casting call. It's true the show must go on but you're the star in your story, don't let your supporting cast ruin the show!!
Gentle hugs and warm wishes,
Nelle
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The Circus Has Arrived
Good morning and I say that with a smile! I've finally decided to take my circus on the road, lol. For those of you just meeting me, hello I'm Nelle. I have a circus tent of shenanigans as I fondly refer to my:
Mixed Connective Tissue Disease, 4 children, 3 dogs, the husband that won't ex, family, friends, and my imagination. Need I say more? I'm planning to use this blog however I deem appropriate each day I can manage to write. I checked with my mom and she's cool with that ;) Sit back, relax, or jog to the park...that's entirely up to you. Welcome to What's the deal pickles. Today I wanna mention my buddy Sonja Connor and her awesome lambies...she gave me the cool nickname "Pickles"
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